He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You ruined the universe
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
