New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
