My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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