So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
God, I missed his penis.
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