so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
