We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
