he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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