I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
