He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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