I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
