i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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