we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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