Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
