Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
