apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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