When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
