You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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