Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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