I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Fuck appropriateness.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
