It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
