I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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