Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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