Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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