Someone shit on the floor
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
