I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Found the puke drawer
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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