I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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