I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woke up backwards on a recliner
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
