I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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