oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
