shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
