College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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