hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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