Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
pray to the hookup gods
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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