Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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