i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
