I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
