Don't you send me to vm
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize