someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
