im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
