I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
