The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
