ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I smell like Dick and happiness
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