The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
