she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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