trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
