i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
