Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
