I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
