She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
