Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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