how can u be prego again
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
