I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When are your genitals available?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize