I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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