For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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