Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
