Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
