Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
