she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
