Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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