my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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