He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
