You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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