he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
