Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
