he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
