last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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