i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
