I just gift wrapped bread.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
