I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
