I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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