I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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