dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
