I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize