I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
is that a dick in a sweater?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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