This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
