ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
