Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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