there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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