I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You ruined the universe
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
