i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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