SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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