Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize