I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
whose parrot is this?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
