Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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