Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
