Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
