Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
