If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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