If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
