I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
