he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
