So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You're like the curious george of whores
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
